philosophy of life

ah. now i can take a deep breath and live again. The semester has now finished and I am officially finished with all my all semester classes. No more driving to campus to sit through hour and a half lectures every Tuesday and Thursday. No more exams, though I'll probably be wishing for a more traditional exam when it comes time for my comps. For those of you reading who may not know, as a PhD student, I am required to pass a set of comprehensive exams that includes a ~10 page research proposal, an hour oral defense of the written portion and a private, closed questioning my my research guidance committee. If everything goes according to plan next semester, these will happen in late April, just about the time I am wanting to outside more :) Unfortunately, I have a lot of work to do before then. I'll spare you the gory details, but lets just say I'll be leading the traditional life of a grad student from Jan 1 to April 1. If it all works though, I will have almost enough information for my first grad publication and the first chapter of my thesis!

I've recently been in a workout kind of mode, getting psyched for future events and prepping for backpacking, etc. My newest sport, rock climbing, has made the biggest impact in body form I've ever experienced. In just a few weeks, I've gone from wimpy to moderately buff, mostly in terms of upper body and core strength. I have to make a point not to loose this over the holidays!

Everyone at the gym in kzoo are awesome, helping me and my friends with technique and learning the skills we're going to need for actual rock climbing later. I wish I could say that climbing came naturally, as i was practically a monkey as a kid climbing everything from trees to our antennae pole on our house. However, I've had to move on a steep learning curve, trying desperately to work up the courage to fall. While i'm completely strapped in and securely supported by my belayer on the ground, I have had a hard time trusting that my rope is actually going to hold me. On my first climb ever, I reached the top of a vertical stretch about 35 ft off the floor. In a matter of seconds, adrenaline had cursed through my veins and mad my entire body shake. Move as I try, I couldn't let go of the hold to be lowered down, so I started to climb down... a much harder task than climbing up in the first place! In the short time I've been climbing however, my confidence in the rope and my belayer have increased exponentially, which had drastically improved the experience :)

While there on Wednesday, I met a fellow that coaches cross country in a town not far from KBS. Often times, I'm skeptical of people I just meet, but I instantly trusted him. Maybe it was because he was my lifeline to the ground, or just his overall happy disposition, I don't know, but he helped us with technique, taught us some new methods, and introduced us to everyone in the gym. It was great, and I'm planning on going often in the near future. It will probably be one of my sciences releases in the coming years.

A friend reminded me recently that I needed to stop analyzing every situation, past, present and future and just move with the flow of life. For the longest time, I thought I was indeed doing that, but I had forgotten what "loosing my paddle" felt like. Typically, I tell people that life should be viewed as a river flowing toward the ocean, and we are passengers moving with it. Because we don't want to get pulled under by the current, its safer to stay in a boat of some kind, or at least that's what I like to think.

Sometimes, the river is tight so that our canoe cannot pass through easily, so it becomes suffocating and we have to use our paddle to move faster.

Sometimes the river is wide, and we feel alone.

And sometimes there are obstacles in the river, and we get stuck, but we can navigate through them with our paddle.

And yet other times, we just have to loose our paddles and move with life, taking us where the flow moves.

I had forgotten. But I have promised myself, that will never happen again. Hence, in order to remind myself of this promise, I am thinking of getting a tattoo. Something that I will see everyday, as a reminder. as a guide. as dedication to myself and to the life I choose to lead. may we always live intentionally.

a new beginning?

It has been six months since I've last posted an adventure. Certainly, much has happened, but it seems that I find myself choosing to live each moment rather than take the time to write about it. While it was difficult to see it then, now its clear how each of these moments have altered my perspective of the world and of myself.

"You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me."
-from Life as a house

I suppose a quick recap is in order to start the blog idea again, so here are a few of the things that have happened in my life the past 6 months:

1. whirlwind tour through Europe to visit my dear friends living abroad in Poland, Norway, Spain and Germany

2. Sharing hopes and dreams and secret places with a great friend

3. Discovering a more laid back, and incredibly comfortable with myself me

4. lots and lots of research

5. camping excursion to S. Manitou Island with some of the greatest people I've ever met

6. more mountain biking

7. the passing of my cousin, only 19, who reminded me that life is too short not to live it one passing moment at a time

8. realistic optimism about the present with an appreciation for the future

9. discovering the art of woodworking :) [my new backup plan if sciences fails me]

and so much, much more. Who knew we could learn so much in such a short amount of time!

More to come as I ease back into writing. In the mean time...

...May we always, live intentionally...

The beginning of the European Tour 2010

Its been a lazy day thus far. My friend Maggie was kind enough to let me sleep off the jet lag that accumulated over my 18 hour travel adventure since departing from Detroit Thursday evening. I woke up today around 12:30 PM which is actually 6:30 AM Eastern time (which is about the time I usually get up these days). And now after a shower and some Polish coffee... i'm ready to start the day and the writing of a new chapter in my book of independence.

The past 48 hours have been a bit insane and I have discovered that no matter the amount of preparation for a trip, you can still never account for every situation. Travel to and from the Detroit airport went without a hitch. I took the Michigan Flyer from Lansing to Detroit, a bus that runs constantly between the two cities with several other stops in between. I didn't realize how long it was going to take to get to Detroit using this method, but I'm sure glad i allotted for extra time and caught an early bus. The first hiccup came when checking in for my overseas flight. I should have taken this as a sign for things to come, but didn't think anything of it. The self check-in kiosk decided it couldn't find my reservation so i had to stand in line at the desk to check in. Then the attendee had trouble finding my connecting airline reservation. Go figure. But then I got my tickets and was on my way through security. With nearly 2 hours to spare, I decided dinner sounded like a good option, so I stopped in the airport bar and grill and had a pre-departure cheeseburger. mmm. couldn't leave the states without having a burger :)

The transoceanic flight went smoothly as it could. We took an odd flight pattern and flew over the sea of Labrador in the Arctic circle then descended into Amsterdam from the North. In my insomia during flight, I watched Avatar, a sci-fi version of Pocahontus, and the Blind Side and also got to see the sun rise over the horizon of the ocean at 1:30 in the morning. That was absolutely phenomenal.

Arriving in Amsterdam nearly a half hour late, I had to make a mad dash through the airport. I didn't realize that I had to pass through passport control and security in order to make my EU connecting flight to Berlin which further made me late! I had also filled my water bottle prior to departure and since i didn't want to risk losing my water bottle, I chugged a liter of water in 2.5 minutes... just as it was to pass through the scanner. Needless to say, i really had to go midway through the next flight.

I made the plan with 5 minutes to spare only to arrive in Berlin TXL an hour later to find that my luggage had not decided to join me in the hustle through the Amsterdam airport. I had thankfully planned for this situation and packed an extra change of clothes in my carry-on. But due to the delay and my inability to speak German, I had lots of issues communicating with the lost baggage clerk. But thankfully today, I learned that my luggage is on its way to Poznan.

Due to the delay with baggage lady, I missed my train to Poznan so I had to reroute to Szczecin Poland where one of Maggie's friends met me at the train station to wait for her to arrive. Mirek is a Polish linguistics student at the university where Maggie teaches. He speaks English very well, but with a combination of various accents. Its so interesting to listen to him and fortunate to have a native speaker with you when you are traveling!!

Maggie and I caught the next train back to Poznan and finally arrived at her dorm around 3AM this morning. Like I said, it was a long day. Pictures of the travel are on their way as well as the tale of my Polish adventures :)

so much in so little time

It seems strange how quickly time fills itself when you're making other plans. April will be my most busy month this year with lecture seminars, the end of classes, and lots of grading. I had originally intended to return home the weekend before I left for Europe, but that is no longer going to happen for one major reason.

Nala. My newly adopted, lioness resembling, stray puppy dog. I'm not entirely sure what kind of dog she is, but she is loving, very cuddly, extremely loyal, incredibly fast learning, and very, very chewy! But she's great. And the funny part is that I wasn't even looking to take a dog, let alone a puppy. I had decided I didn't have the time or the resources to manage. I can however relate this to the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy when Bailey tell Kallie that its never the right time to have kids so if you don't do it now you never will. Puppies, i must say, are really like 2 year olds... they have short attention spans and small bladders that only work half the time. Thankfully, my good friend Keara and her husband have opened their house to let Nala and I stay until I officially get to KBS. She will also be staying with them while I'm in Europe... I kind of wish I could bring her with me :)

I also have taken up more outdoor activities to suit the needs of going fast down hills during the summer. This is my mountain bike. It bounces and makes me go very fast. I like it. and it needs a name... so I'm looking for suggestions :)

Last Sunday, my friend James and I headed to Fort Custer, which is only 6 miles from where I live at KBS, to check out the trails. We were out for a good 2.5 hours and by the end, i felt like I had been runover. I am SO out of cardio shape that I've taken the initiative to set up a program this summer which involves a lot of road biking. The only problem is I don't have a road bike here... its back at home and in dire need of some TLC. So i'll bring it back out here when I head home again. and besides, my parents need to see Nala too! Did i mention she rides well in cars?

james and I after our ride

In any case, a collegue at KBS mentioned wanting to get into climbing. And me being me, jumped at the opportunity to tag along. I'm not sure when I'll get there... maybe this weekend... but there is a giant climbing wall in Kzoo that offers the very basics to highly advanced. It should be pretty awesome and I'm stoked to be able to try it. And to make things even better, a friend has offer to sell me her sea kayak relatively cheap next fall! I'm pretty darn excited about that too... but that just means I have to keep saving! I do often wish grad school paid better!

In other planning news, I think a group of friends and I are headed on a backpacking trip to Isle Royale in late August and various other small activities throughout the summer. And if I get my hind end in gear and gather some good data, I hope to present a poster at the American Society of Limnology and Oceanography meeting in Puerto Rico. That should be incredibly exciting. and if you're reading this heather... i'm looking forward to just living through all these wonderful experiences! More pictures to follow soon.

March 20 and mother nature has decided the pretty green grass in my lawn needed some cosmetic work, so she's coated it with powdered sugar. At times, the monstrosity that is descending from the sky isn't as fine, but more like mini-snow balls. It doesn't really matter anyway because i'm stuck inside all day grading lab notebooks. as it stands, i decided to take a short break to write about my woes as a teaching assistant. who am i kidding? i like teaching labs. ok.... back to work!

sunset from my front porch

Unlike my dear friend Maggie in Poland, Spring appears to have arrived in Michigan. Mother Nature may pull a fast one on me... taunting me with beautiful, warm, and sunny days only to get a cold blast to remind me that winter may still be here... but who knows. I'm hoping for the warmth, but appreciating the days as they come.

I have also finally moved to the Kellogg Biological Station. I have a small house, two bedrooms and a modest kitchen and living room. Personally, I think its just the right size for me and was one of the reasons I chose to move here.

Being here by myself though, as I am right now, makes it seem bigger than it is. I think another contributing factor is that I'm not surrounded by my familiarities, like pictures of friends and family, postcards from around the world and a great big map of all the places my thoughts travel on a daily basis. No furniture in the living, no dishes in the cupboard, no clothes in the closet. Only the spare bed with my teddy lets me call this place home.

But I know its will become my own. I can see how I will decorate, what color I'm going to paint the walls, and where each of my belongings will live. This is the place that I hope to call my home for the next 5 years, and the place I hope to see many sunsets like tonights from my front porch swing. And who knows, I may get a friend to fill the emptiness the house brings at times :)

Swiss Valley

Over the past few weeks, I have been developing what seems to be an incurable addiction to skiing. Last friday, i purchased a pair of cross country skis and went out to the trails almost everyday. winter used to be this drab season that meant being inside for 5 months, but now, i'm out enjoying every bit of it!

And today, to extend the excitement, I went downhill skiing at Swiss Vally in Jones, MI. Of course, the facility itself was nothing special with just 'little' hills. but it was certainly sufficient for my first time. Standing at the top of the hill looking down the slope was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. i didn't want to crash, but i had no idea how to steer the two pieces of wood strapped to my feet. and as luck would have it, i got most of the way down and the crashed. big time! my skis flew off, i lost my hat and the skidded almost 20 feet thereafter. but that was the worst of the falls. and after that, i never looked back. After a few runs on the smaller hill, i took to the larger intermediate slope. despite the slow ride to the top, the slope was enough to send you down in a matter of seconds. there were also lots of little people and first timers out today, which made getting down the slope that much harder because they would often fall. but by the end of the day, i was able to zig-zag and dodge just about every skier or boarder on the slope. ah... what a feeling!!

i know i have told several of my friends that i have this need for the wind in my face which equates to either standing on a beach or a prairie and letting the wind take me, or creating my own as i'm flying down some slope or vast highway. and today wasn't any different. as soon as i felt the wind on my face, i was hooked. and the speed sits auxiliary to the motion of moving down the hillside, knowing that your fate is in your hands... one wrong move and your falling face first.

and every time, the need became stronger, more compelling, harder to resist. bring on the speed and the courage to go fast. i truly wish i hadn't taken so long this winter season to get involved with skiing. with the end so near, i'm either going to have to migrate westward or suck it up and wait impatiently for next season to arrive. i guess i'm just going to have to find something to occupy my summer months. maybe kayaking and mountain biking will do the trick :)

My friend Mridul and I after some great festivities of wind blown slope time.