philosophy of life

ah. now i can take a deep breath and live again. The semester has now finished and I am officially finished with all my all semester classes. No more driving to campus to sit through hour and a half lectures every Tuesday and Thursday. No more exams, though I'll probably be wishing for a more traditional exam when it comes time for my comps. For those of you reading who may not know, as a PhD student, I am required to pass a set of comprehensive exams that includes a ~10 page research proposal, an hour oral defense of the written portion and a private, closed questioning my my research guidance committee. If everything goes according to plan next semester, these will happen in late April, just about the time I am wanting to outside more :) Unfortunately, I have a lot of work to do before then. I'll spare you the gory details, but lets just say I'll be leading the traditional life of a grad student from Jan 1 to April 1. If it all works though, I will have almost enough information for my first grad publication and the first chapter of my thesis!

I've recently been in a workout kind of mode, getting psyched for future events and prepping for backpacking, etc. My newest sport, rock climbing, has made the biggest impact in body form I've ever experienced. In just a few weeks, I've gone from wimpy to moderately buff, mostly in terms of upper body and core strength. I have to make a point not to loose this over the holidays!

Everyone at the gym in kzoo are awesome, helping me and my friends with technique and learning the skills we're going to need for actual rock climbing later. I wish I could say that climbing came naturally, as i was practically a monkey as a kid climbing everything from trees to our antennae pole on our house. However, I've had to move on a steep learning curve, trying desperately to work up the courage to fall. While i'm completely strapped in and securely supported by my belayer on the ground, I have had a hard time trusting that my rope is actually going to hold me. On my first climb ever, I reached the top of a vertical stretch about 35 ft off the floor. In a matter of seconds, adrenaline had cursed through my veins and mad my entire body shake. Move as I try, I couldn't let go of the hold to be lowered down, so I started to climb down... a much harder task than climbing up in the first place! In the short time I've been climbing however, my confidence in the rope and my belayer have increased exponentially, which had drastically improved the experience :)

While there on Wednesday, I met a fellow that coaches cross country in a town not far from KBS. Often times, I'm skeptical of people I just meet, but I instantly trusted him. Maybe it was because he was my lifeline to the ground, or just his overall happy disposition, I don't know, but he helped us with technique, taught us some new methods, and introduced us to everyone in the gym. It was great, and I'm planning on going often in the near future. It will probably be one of my sciences releases in the coming years.

A friend reminded me recently that I needed to stop analyzing every situation, past, present and future and just move with the flow of life. For the longest time, I thought I was indeed doing that, but I had forgotten what "loosing my paddle" felt like. Typically, I tell people that life should be viewed as a river flowing toward the ocean, and we are passengers moving with it. Because we don't want to get pulled under by the current, its safer to stay in a boat of some kind, or at least that's what I like to think.

Sometimes, the river is tight so that our canoe cannot pass through easily, so it becomes suffocating and we have to use our paddle to move faster.

Sometimes the river is wide, and we feel alone.

And sometimes there are obstacles in the river, and we get stuck, but we can navigate through them with our paddle.

And yet other times, we just have to loose our paddles and move with life, taking us where the flow moves.

I had forgotten. But I have promised myself, that will never happen again. Hence, in order to remind myself of this promise, I am thinking of getting a tattoo. Something that I will see everyday, as a reminder. as a guide. as dedication to myself and to the life I choose to lead. may we always live intentionally.